2:00 a.m. - Woken by my laughing like hyena teenagers & a friend, whispers that sounded more like shouting, hissing at each other to be quiet & then an apparent farting contest (started by someone laughing so hard they farted) that devolved into more hysterical laughter.
I lay there, investigating, and realize that darling bitchy bitch and her friend, Jen, are dying their hair. I wonder why the boy rebel isn't hiding in a dark corner, playing his XBox, while this female bonding is going on & then realize.. Ohh, Jen is 20, very pretty! He's decided that he can gut his sister to flirt with her friend. (I am brilliant.)
2:05 a.m. - Me, crawling out of bed & giving the 'Mom-eye' to the culprits & shouting at them to be quiet before they wake their Dad who works like a dog to make money for me.
2:10 a.m. - (I'm long winded.) Boy rebel says, "You're the one that's going to wake him with that yelling."
2:16 a.m. - (Scrubbing my itching to give him a smack palms.) "I don't give a crap, better that I wake him than you!"
2:17 a.m. - Boy who wants a beating: "That made no sense."
2:18 a.m. - "I don't have to make sense you little shit, I'm the Momma!"
2:20 a.m. - Stomping back to bed, looking fab for being woken so early. Fall back to sleep in 30 seconds flat. (It's a talent.)
9 a.m. - Gently nudged right off the side of the bed by darling bitchy bitch. (Daughter.) "Momma, do you like my hair?"
9:20 a.m. - I took me that long to stare at her out of one bleary, booger crusted eye and wonder exactly what Clairol calls that color orange. And since my brain to mouth filter doesn't work with lack of sleep, I say - "What the hell is that color orange?"
9:22 a.m. - Agape with shocked hurt, she nearly screams, "It was bleach blonde!"
9:23 a.m. - "Find the receipt & get (your Dad's) my money back. Show them your hair while you're at it, they'll worry about getting sued & give you a Wal-Hell gift card."
9:24 a.m. - "You don't know what's cool! You're old!"
9:25 a.m. - Obviously she's pulled out the big guns so I feel safe in doing the same. "Well, your hair looks like an Easter egg so if cool is being festive for the holiday, you nailed it, Pippi."
We're off for breakfast. I'm sure I'll be back later for more happy blogging!
...and in the end
5 years ago