Thursday, April 2, 2009

Tweeter on my blog!

2:00 a.m. - Woken by my laughing like hyena teenagers & a friend, whispers that sounded more like shouting, hissing at each other to be quiet & then an apparent farting contest (started by someone laughing so hard they farted) that devolved into more hysterical laughter.

I lay there, investigating, and realize that darling bitchy bitch and her friend, Jen, are dying their hair. I wonder why the boy rebel isn't hiding in a dark corner, playing his XBox, while this female bonding is going on & then realize.. Ohh, Jen is 20, very pretty! He's decided that he can gut his sister to flirt with her friend. (I am brilliant.)

2:05 a.m. - Me, crawling out of bed & giving the 'Mom-eye' to the culprits & shouting at them to be quiet before they wake their Dad who works like a dog to make money for me.

2:10 a.m. - (I'm long winded.) Boy rebel says, "You're the one that's going to wake him with that yelling."

2:16 a.m. - (Scrubbing my itching to give him a smack palms.) "I don't give a crap, better that I wake him than you!"

2:17 a.m. - Boy who wants a beating: "That made no sense."

2:18 a.m. - "I don't have to make sense you little shit, I'm the Momma!"

2:20 a.m. - Stomping back to bed, looking fab for being woken so early. Fall back to sleep in 30 seconds flat. (It's a talent.)

9 a.m. - Gently nudged right off the side of the bed by darling bitchy bitch. (Daughter.) "Momma, do you like my hair?"

9:20 a.m. - I took me that long to stare at her out of one bleary, booger crusted eye and wonder exactly what Clairol calls that color orange. And since my brain to mouth filter doesn't work with lack of sleep, I say - "What the hell is that color orange?"

9:22 a.m. - Agape with shocked hurt, she nearly screams, "It was bleach blonde!"

9:23 a.m. - "Find the receipt & get (your Dad's) my money back. Show them your hair while you're at it, they'll worry about getting sued & give you a Wal-Hell gift card."

9:24 a.m. - "You don't know what's cool! You're old!"

9:25 a.m. - Obviously she's pulled out the big guns so I feel safe in doing the same. "Well, your hair looks like an Easter egg so if cool is being festive for the holiday, you nailed it, Pippi."

We're off for breakfast. I'm sure I'll be back later for more happy blogging!


otherworldlyone said...

Haha! Love the idea...and the dialogue.

Shawn said...

Ahahahahahaha! Love. It!

Quick check on some of the things that cracked me up: 'Mom-eye' 'itchy palms' 'boy who wants a beating' '9:20 am' 'brain to mouth filter' 'my money' 'You're old' 'Pippi'!!!

Well, the words around those kinda helped the whole laughing thing!

zelzee said...

Love it! OMG you really made me laugh!
Reminds me when I came home from work one day, and my high school daughter was up in the bathroom with about 5 friends (male and female). There was blue dye splatter everywhere.........It looked like they just murdered a Smurf! They were all dying their hair blue! Holy I hear lawsuit!!!

I gave up. I learned to pick my battles. Hair grows's not a life altering decision. (I came to this decision after purple)

And why does our boy child always think we have to make sense??

Maelstrom said...

No pictures?? :(

Divine Chaos said...

*dies giggling* Pippi?!?!??!

Did ya tell her to put it up in 2 pigtails?

ooooo and go buy her some of those way cool striped knee socks!!

my hair turned that color once. it was completely accidental and rather horrifying.

Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Orange hair!? Pippi is exactly who comes to mind!