Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Kiss.

So, Cora tagged me for this “I Should Have Been A Stripper” award and now that I have it posted.. look over there on the right, hot huh?? (thanks, Diane, for telling me how to dooo ittt)

The rules are that I have to tell y'all seven personality traits I possess which have been evidenced on my blog. But, after looking over my blog, I could only think of two that pretty much sum it up.

1. I'm a redneck girl and this picture illustrates my lifelong dreams:

But without that Chuckie looking heathen in the cart. And maybe without the black eye. Because P. Mama would kick Big Daddy's ass up around his shoulders if he ruined the cute with a shiner.

2. I love my kids. And they love each other..

Okay, with that done, I wanted to say..

I was gone for months and truly wanted to come back to blogging but sadly, I just don't have the time to do it with any regularity. I never seem to be able to sit here and keep up with all of my fave bloggers.. and you know who you are, I have all of you listed on the right! Nor do I have time to write as I would like to.

It's come to this place that I think so many people have where I try to push too much into every day, multi-tasking like mad until I'm stressed, exhausted and feel like nothing is really as good as it could be because it only got a small portion of time and attention.

Thanks for all the great reads and so much laughter. I've enjoyed getting to know you in your blogs.

Take care, everyone! And here is me, blowing y'all a kiss goodbye..

Friday, January 29, 2010

Peeps Pole Dancing

Hey everyone!!

Dashing off a quick post here in between making dinner, bouncing the grandbaby, doing laundry and hula-hooping my ASS OFF on Wii!

How does one add an award to their page again? Please help! I have this awesome award from Cora of Peeps pole dancing and if that doesn't belong on this hillbilly blog, nothing does!


P. Mama

Monday, January 25, 2010

I Am A.. Granny.

Another event that happened while I was gone from blogging was becoming a Grandma. I don't really like that word though (I'm way too young? to be a Granny.. yes, I'm looking at -you-, my love) so when she starts to understand words, I'm going to teach her to call me - Nana.

Our son's ex-girlfriend who is as much a beloved daughter in law to me as she could be, was date raped early last year. It broke our hearts that it happened but none moreso than Colton's. They remain the best of friends, still love one another and honestly, I expect them to end up together in the long term.

So, when she came to us saying she was pregnant, it took us less than a second to know the baby would be our grandchild and for Colt to decide he would raise her as his daughter.

With that, here is the precious one, Miss Ava Lynn. (Flips open my wallet so the pictures roll down to the floor.)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Big Daddy's Birthday

Hey, y'all!

We're going to begin right where I left off. Kinda.

My last post, months ago, was all about donuts of fat, chokin' down choco drink and my smokin' hot Doc feeling me up. (Look, in my fantasy, he was also tweaking the puppies noses so don't doubt, k?)

All of that is a part of the reason I've been gone so long and in a more serious post, I'll give the highlights and low points.

But for now, we're going to hear about Big Daddy's birthday because it is far too precious (hillbilly) to post-pone!

His birthday was a few days ago and being the blessed gift that I am as a wife, I waited until 4:00 p.m. on the day of to ask him what he'd like for his big (old) day.

While waiting for him to give the obvious answer, (sex), I thought of a few things I thought he could use:

1. An eye exam & glasses. Mayhap because the memory of holding onto the 'Dear Baby Jesus, I don't want to die' bar in the van & screaming, "You're driving in the ditch!!" was so fresh in my mind.

2. Just For Men hair dye in black. I'm fine with his salt & pepper look but I do get tired of hearing him waffle back and forth on whether or not to dye it. If it's good enough for George Clooney, it's good enough for you, Al Bundy.

3. A 'Hobbies for Elderly Dummies' book. Why? Because he doesn't fish or golf or toss empty kegs like a normal 42 year old. No, this is how he spends his time:

Yes, that's Big Daddy on the right. And he wants to cuss me for flipping the riding lawn mower?? He can kiss my big butt.

Finally, he decided what he wanted for his birthday. Sex. And to take pictures of me, naked. Color me surprised. And it took him five whole minutes to come up with that?? No. He just wanted to make it look like his pecker wasn't wearing the party hat.

P. Mama: (grunts) "Ookaayyy."

So, I take a bath, shave off two months of leg hair I've been covering up with something flannel, put some makeup on, do my hair, make sure I'm wearing some 'suck you off' lipstick, etc.

(I wanted to look good for my Playboy shoot, k?)

We head to the bedroom where I blow kisses, arch my back, do more than my share of jiggling body parts when he comes up with this gem:

Big Daddy: "Get on your hands & knees, baby."

At this point, I see bad things coming because who really wants to be ass up with a camera inches away from their personal grand canyon, hm?

He's crouched behind me, snapping away and comes up with another sparkler:

Big Daddy: "Spread your cheeks too!"

Now, this is no small thing he's asking of me. I'm a chubby girl with a big ol ass so I have to reach back, palm a considerable bum, mash my face in the pillow for leverage to the point of no longer being able to suck air, to achieve it.

I'm wheezing, fingers gripping a fat behind, hoping he's fucking happy.. when all of a sudden, I farted.

Yes. I. Did.

And I scream..

"Now look what you made me do!!!"

Like it's his fault. Because.. it is.

And I am not even shitting, (pardon the pun).. he doesn't miss a beat.

Big Daddy: (stifling what sounds suspiciously like snorted laughter) "It's okay, baby.. it's okay. Just forget it even happened."

FORGET?! I will remember this moment on my death bed. Because of you, you pervert.

And this right here illustrates how -nothing- will become between a man & his birthday party.


P. Mama

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I'm Back!!

Hey y'all,

I've returned and have soooo many stories to share!

But first I have to go catch up on all my favorite bloggers - you know who you are! You've been very missed.

Thanks so much to those of you that left comments, worried and wondering. You make me feel loved.

Check back in soon for the phat insanity that kept me away so long!

Love and chocolate kisses to all of you!

P. Mama