Big Daddy told me to shut up. SHUT. UP. Did the Fucker fall down & bump his head?!
Oh. By the way. *Caution* P. Mama is pissed, this post may contain excessive use of profanity.
Yes, the love of my life, the man that vowed to worship me like the GODDESS I am, told me to shut up, last night.
We were on my way home from work and stopped at McShitty's to get me a sweet tea. I was telling him all about this woman who was on Oprah for shooting her husband eleven times after suffering years of abuse.
And all of a sudden, out of the wild blue yonder, out of left field, out of his fucking ass, obviously, he thinks that telling me to 'shut up' is a good plan.
Big Daddy - *aggravated voice* "Shut up now & tell me what you want me to order for you."
My head whipped to the side, the look on my face priceless, I'm sure. The look that was a combination of shock and wtf. A look that clearly conveyed - Have you lost your F'N mind?! Did you just have a stroke?! Look at me, quick - is half your face drooping?? Nope, you still look like the dickhead that just told me to SHUT UP.
P. Mama - *cold, going to duct tape your balls in your sleep voice* "Sweet tea. I want tea. Thank you." (Motherfucker.)
So, then, while we're waiting to get the drink, he tries to continue with the Oprah conversation. Like he gives a shit. No.
I made grunting noises and gave monosyllabic answers. He needed to recognize my passive aggressive pissed off. Which he did. It took a minute (to see me flipping him the bird in the dark of the car) but he did. And this is what he said:
Big Daddy - "I'm sorry for telling you to shut up but I needed to know what you wanted and you would have just kept going on and on and on."
Is that his idea of an apology?? FAIL. FAILFAILFAIL!!
P. Mama - "I always get a sweet tea. Every night - just a sweet tea. Was I going to go buck ass wild tonight and order a Big Mac extra value meal, super sized, hold the pickles, extra onions, no lettuce, more tomato, extra salt on the fries so I can have back to back heart attacks because I know I just had the first one when this SOB told me to SHUT UP! oh and two cherry pies for a dollar, please??"
Big Daddy - Silence. (Smart.)
When I woke this morning, he was cuddling me close. I remained aloof. I'm waiting for him to bring me an entire gallon of sweet tea today. If he does, I shall once again think he's the most perfect man in the universe.
...and in the end
5 years ago