Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My Connection Screws My Anus Slowly

Hey, y'all!

So, a few things here:

1.) I'm mad busy trying to remodel the house we're going to live in while maintaining the house we're currently living in. I think I inhaled enough paint fumes in the last week to make me a glow in the dark fat chick.

So, my posts have been less frequent with all this *gasp* work. Which leads me to number..

2.) I also live in the sticks now. The boonies. I have to slow down for (and scream profanities at) the Amish folks driving a horse a buggy. And I have... dial-up. (Curls into a fetal position and sobs.) Some of you may have never heard of dial-up connection to the internet. It's what we used back in the days when Bill Gates was selling MicroShit out of his basement.

Because of this slowwww connection, I have been unable to post comments to blogs. It takes forever to load the comment form and when I finally do get it up (I've had time for dinner, movie, sex (oral - not for him, for me - he's still being punished) and a shower while waiting to tell each of you how much you're lovered by moi. And then, I write a nice, long comment and half the time it doesn't post!

So, here is my fab idea! Get ready for it, honies!

Every Sunday night, I am going to write about my fave blog posts of the previous week! A shout out for all you wonderful bloggers that I have grown to love and adore. :)

So make me laugh or cry, or both - make me think, or want to try out your recipes - make me want to rent the movie you Siskel & Ebert'd on your blog, make me listen to a song you love and talked about, make me shake my fist with you at some fuckwit bohunk that stole your parking spot - any and all of it, and I'll shout out to you right here on my blog, every Sunday night!

Okay, I'm off for now to go pick 'semi-gloss white' boogers out of my nose before my kids stage an intervention over my apparent coke habit.



Nej said...

You poor, poor thing. Dial up! Egads!!! :-(

Just mentioning painting is giving me the shivers. I don't miss the three weeks of non-stop painting we did before we moved into our current house.

(But I still love the smell of a freshly painted room. Call me crazy!)


Paige Lacey said...

Girl, you are too funny! Good luck with your remodeling. It'll all be worth it in the end. :o)

Cora said...

Sounds sexy!!

(The Sunday post idea.)

(Not the semi-gloss snot.)



zelzee said...

Good luck with the house! I have been working on my for the last year...........(Ok I don't move as fast as I used to)

I don't want to see another piece of blue tape EVER AGAIN!

Holy Crappers said...

Miss you !!!

J.J. in L.A. said...

I'd tell you not to work your @$$ off, but I figure you already knew not to do that. Looking forward to Sunday(s)!

diane said...

Does that make us boonie buddies?

The good news is: you can still post.
As much as I love your comments, they pale in comparison to your blog. I'll be happy to read you once a week if that's all you can do. It's worth the wait. xo

Dominica said...

So now you're "glow and shine in the dark Mama" ?

Good idea to brief us weekly !
You see, some situations make us creative !
And tell that Amish guy to get of your internet connection wire ; that's what making it so slow !

Take care and enjoy decorating en remodeling !

otherworldlyone said...

Dial up makes me want to stab things and stuff and family members. I'm sorry for your predicament.

Aw, paint fumes! My sister and I painted our tiny bathroom about two years ago. Had to Kilz up that bitch first, of course. I shut the door to get around that wall and forgot to reopen it while we finished up...for about an hour or more.

I was used to that kind of thing (...I mean I painted a lot), but she was stoned out of her mind. It was like one of those Mastercard priceless commercials.

P.S. - If you want those Amish buggies to move a little faster... just wave your boob at 'um.

Cretin said...

Darling baby Phat ;)

Missing your blogs! Do me a flavor .. Get me some asparagus and toss that shit in the mail. It's so good you're home!

Kiss the kids for me, dance on a grave & have a honky tonk good time. Oh yea, I'm saving money for Dr. 90210 so he can fix the boy childs back.


Mona Lott said...

Oh gad, the fucking Amish! *shakes fist*

I could rant for days.

Which just seems SO WRONG, but clearly you know. YOU KNOOOOOOOW!!!!!

Sue said...

With all your "dial-up action" at home, you better think about getting on some birth control sista!!!! (Maybe you could also throw a smoke break in there too while you are at it!!).

Sue - using "Cumcast high speed internet" (insert snicker here).

bluntdelivery said...

oh man, i had dial up til the time i was 25 and still lived with my parents in the middle of nowhere. my heart cries for you - but you probably can't hear it since you're so isolated.


Girl Interrupted said...

I'm with Diane ... I wish you could post two or three times a day (yeah, I'm selfish like that ... I'm pouting right now) but I'll gladly wait for one post a week, it's totally worth the wait

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