Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Fave Blog Posts & Picasso

Do y'all remember the fab idea I had to do a 'fave blog posts of the week'? Where I read all of your blog posts for the week, picked my faves and showcased them right here on mine - lovingly dry humping them like a Price Is Right model!?


There's a problem.


I have no idea how to make text and/or pictures into clickable links. Persay, if I wanted to make the words "Comedy Goddess" into a clickable link.. or.. if I wanted to use a picture of an apple for Martini Mom, to click on and go to her site..


How do I do that?? Please, for the love of cunnilingus, tell me!


So that I can begin shouting out to all of you, the blogger friends that keep me from accidentally running over Big Daddy, shifting to reverse, running over him again, etc, etc, ad infinitum - on the John Deere death machine. (It still works. I had to mow again yesterday. No wheelies this time but I'll tell y'all about the 'PBR' sometime soon. Noo, not Pabst Blue Ribbon, rednecks. Pretty Big Rock!! Oy.)

Also, a short side story:


We were going out for dinner last night & Big Daddy was rushing me, per usual. He cannot seem to grasp that Phat Mamas take a bit O' time to get sexalicious. We know that we have to make the best of our ASSets so that they jiggle just right (apply enough body lotion that we slide into something lycra (granny panties) to squeeze our navel up to our nipples) and it was pissing me off that he was bitching about being late.


*Side note: Granny panties they may be, but mine have lace, polka dots, cute little hearts and devils with pitchforks. Hawwt.


So anywho..


He's rushing me. I'm ready to use my cigarette lighter with a can of Aqua Net hair spray to torch him the fuck out of my 'Cover Girl' face when it happened. Due to lack of desperately needed concentration, I shaved half my eyebrow off.


Here is the Picasso I just drew, to show y'all:





Tonight, I'm going to shave half of Big Daddy's goatee off while he sleeps. Because I clearly recall the vows of marriage saying: "For Better or for Worse."

This is one of those worse moments & the sonofabitch should match.

16 comments:

sAm said...

OK - try to follow along. Type the words you want visible (the ones you want linky). Got that?
Next - look to the top of the post box...see that button that is the 5th from the drop down font choosing box? It's greenish with a paperclip looking thing? Click on it. When you do, a dialog box will open which you then put the url into (I usually copy the url using crtl+c to copy, then crtl+v to paste).
There are other ways to do it, too (like anything else, right?? - I found this way to be easiest. Hope it works!
Ohhh...I hope this moves me to the top of the fav blog post list. Not today's, though. It's depressing. Oh - I know! I'll write a good one for you. Yeah...that's what I'll do.

Beth said...

That picture is priceless! Sorry about the eyebrow. At least it'll grow back.

otherworldlyone said...

Shave a nice heart in it. Share the love pmama, share the love.

diane said...

I could never figure out the link thing either, so I just direct people to the blogs I follow on the side bar, which has links.
I tried to pay attention and learn from sAm's comment, but I'm on my third glass of wine, so I don't think I'll be remembering that one.
The eyebrow thing is hysterical, sorry. Why not shave his testicles instead? Personally, I don't mind kissing a bearded face, but I hate it when pubies get stuck in the back of my throat.

Fragrant Liar said...

Yeah, give that boy a piece of your razor. ;)

1) So first you find out what the URL is for who you're going to link to (URL = their blog address, like http://sassandass.blogspot.com). On their blogsite, click on the title of the post you like so it opens in its own window. Then up in your browser window, click on their URL which should now also include the name (permalink) of the post. With that information highlighted, click CTRL + C, which will copy the link to your computer's clipboard.

2) Now go back to your own site and in your blog post type the public name of the person's blog (like, Phat Mama, not sassandass...) and select the name with your mouse so it's highlighted.

3) At top of your composing window is the chainlink icon. Select that and when the little window pops up, hit CTRL + V, which will paste in the URL you copied from the other blog.

4) Voila. You're ready for linky love. But wash your hands first.

Mr. Condescending said...

this is so complicated! I just like lookin at the pictures heh.

Cora said...

Eeeeep! Not half an eyebrow!! I've been there, Phat Mama, I've been there. I too have had to try to redraw half an eyebrow with makeup and walk out of the bathroom thinking I look pretty good.... only to have my two year old stare at me and say, "Ummm, your eyebrow be broken, Mommy!"

Grrrr.

The good news? They grow back quickly.

((((SYMPATHETIC HUG))))

Sass said...

Sexy granny panties are the new thong.

I'm just sayin'.

Cretin said...

Why was your razor up near your eye? I'm confused. Women shave their eyebrows? I thought tweezers and vietnamese women took care of that fray?

About the other crap. No idea how to do any of that fancy shit, but the people above me look like they are not only smart, but they are willing to help you in pain staking detail. Go you! Go them!

Kiss the kids for me, smack yourself for me.

xo

zelzee said...

Just grow your bangs over it!!!

Granny panties with devils and pitchforks............not flavored?

Phat Mama said...

First - Thanks to all of you for the help!! You're wonderful!

Cretin - Because I'm too poor for a professional wax and I don't like the pain of the tweezers. Hence, I carefully shave them into lovely compliance!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Copy and paste this code. And use < > where I have ( ). If you have any questions, you can find my e-mail on my profile.

(a href=URL)TEXT(/a)

The Peach Tart said...

I had a similar eyebrow incident when I tried to wax them and shave them. Now I have a couple of cocktails to numb the pain and just tweeze them.

sAm said...

I've left you an award on my blog...just 'cause you're awesome!!

Phat Mama said...

Thanks so much Sam!!

If I havn't mentioned it lately, I lover all of you!

Girl Interrupted said...

I love that self portrait!! :P it seriously made me lol

Can we have photographic evidence next of the matching 'his n hers' shavings, pretty please?