Friday, March 27, 2009

I Fear The Geriatric.

So, I'm sure all of my readers (8) wonder what someone as funny, smart, and charming as I am does for a living.

Well, ponder on it no longer! I take care of an 89 year old man who was in the Navy for 30 years. He's also a born and bred, redneck southerner. (Is that redundant?)

His name is Sam and he thinks the KKK is a public service organization that helps folks out in times of need. He's completely politically incorrect on almost every subject & doesn't care. He's outspoken, hysterical, very intelligent and God bless him, he still wipes his own ass.

The reason Sam is coming up today for the first time (of many, I suspect) is because as I peruse the offerings of the blogospere this afternoon, he is sat next to me at the dining room table, patiently cleaning, oiling and adjusting both his binoculars and one of his many guns.

He just lifted the binoculars up to his face and peered at me.

He has cataracts and can barely focus on Walker, Texas Ranger each night as Chuck kicks everyone's ass while singing his own theme song.

But I -promise- y'all, if he sets down the binoculars and picks up the gun to shoot whatever or whoever has pissed him off today, I'm going to get my first exercise this year when I dive for the floor.

Because someone (possibly the yankee girl with the big butt & boobs and smart mouth) burnt his fucking grits this morning.


Nyxmyst said...


Shawn said...

Ahahahaha! That'll teach you to burn the damn grits!

Phat Mama said...

rofl, I know right! Dang, he can't expect a yank to know how to cook grits! I told him that I'm buying him instant from now - just add water!

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm reminded of my wife's Granddad who shoots at squirrels from his garden porch!

Peggy said...

So, I see from your first sentence that you are following the lead of one Dr. Zibbs (who sent me over here by the way - follower #10 YAY!).

Looking forward to reading more but right now I have to run...literally...I joined a stinking running group that meets at 815 on Satruday mornings wtf was I thinking? I'll be back though, your "Bald Bush" post is calling me!

Phat Mama said...

mo.stoneskin - rofl, but does he have someone (me, the nurse) run out there and fetch them to be cooked?!

Peggy - Dr. Zibbs is my fave blog read, every day, adore him! lol And bless him for sending people over to my blog - I've felt a little lonely so glad to see you here as follower #10, only 190 more to go to measure up to Zibbs!

Umm yes, hate to agree with you but WTF were you thinking?! I barely -drive- anywhere at 8:15 on a Saturday morning!

Bald Bush is a good one, enjoy it and all the rest.. again, thanks for coming!


Anna Russell said...

Hehehe. As a non-American (I'm Scottish), I loved reading this. We kind of assume those characters are just stereotypes, but it's good (well, not good, but funny) to know they really exist.

Phat Mama said...

They definitely, for better or worse, exist! lol

I visited both of your blogs - You're a talented writer so I clicked the follow!

otherworldlyone said...

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... he goes killing. The facination lives on...

Burnt grits...ewwww!

zelzee said...

I work with seniors. They are a trip!
They have the 'priveledge' of doing exactly what they want and speaking whatever is on their mind.
When I lost my (frizzy & curly)hair with chemo treatments, and was wearing a wig I can't tell you how many seniors said to me:
"It's about time you did something with that damn hair!"
I couldn't imagine what they would have said had I burned their grits!

Phat Mama said...

LOL, they either verbally beat you down to a pinch of snuff or they clean their weapons while looking at you with cloudy, yet intense eyes.

I do love working with my older fella though, he makes me grin. :)

And sorry to hear about the chemo, what happened and did you beat it?

sista #2 said...

I like Sam.