Friday, May 1, 2009

Hot Zibbs & My Fat Bottom.

Hot Zibbs dedicated his Friday Send Off song to me. Whoot! I'm famous!

And all I had to do for this high honor is talk about eating a fart. Not so bad, really.

The song was Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls. And I had to laugh as he tried to not offend me by including that he didn't know if I were fat or not.

So, I thought I would do a little post 'things about me' and include a picture to answer his question. Luscious Prunella gave me the courage. Have y'all -seen- her bangin' pictures? Mercyfuckalive, she's gorgeous.

So here goes:

I have three tatoos. I do not regret any of them.

I used to have my tongue pierced. It hurt. I bled like a stuck pig and somehow curled my Phat Mama body into a fetal position.

Running the icy cold ball over my lips made the pain worth it. Mmmm.

I used to wear colored contacts to cover the true color of my eyes which is almost a pure gold. They're evil and strange looking.

I'm a great cook & I believe this is why my marriage has lasted 18 years. It's surely not for my BJ skills. If my gag reflex is triggered, I will puke on that tool of menace in a -second-.

I chat too much. Like hours, every day, for years. Even while I'm working.

I need to write like I need to breathe. I've had poetry published in a poetry book that nobody will ever read.

I'm a little bit into BDSM. Shhh. Secret.

I believe in God & I hope every day that he doesn't smite me for my multitude of sins - that I enjoy far too much to give up.

I believe that classic rock is food for the soul.

I'm an insomniac. I would rather be a nymphomaniac but that damned gag reflex keeps foiling my clever plan.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I keep praying that Vodka Mom will 'showcase' my blog on hers so that I get LOTS AND LOTS AND FUCKING LOTS of readers. But after reviewing some of my posts - I fear she never will put the potty mouth up in lights.

I wonder why Hot Zibbs doesn't click my 'Followers' button - what do I have to do, hokey pokey naked, what?

And I'll save the rest for my 100th post if I make it that far without blogger banning my blog o' filthy.

And now.. for the picture!



Yep, I'ma Phat Mama. ;P

29 comments:

Nyxmyst said...

Yeah.. but you have nice tits :P

Shawn said...

Ha! I have a feeling you are going to have cyber yak drool on ya before you know it!

You crack me up and you are gorgeous!

Paula said...

Yeah.. but you are hawt! And Nyxie keeps trying to tell you she will teach you how to get over that gag reflex thing. lol

Love you, Mama. *smooches*

Girl Interrupted said...

You're beautiful :) *hugs*

Beth said...

You love being that shock factor, don't you? ;) Reminds me of my sister! She can be so darn funny!

zelzee said...

Gal, you are gorgeous!

I don't think it was your cooking that kept you married for 18 years!
Great bod!

erin said...

I've noticed a lot of people don't use the 'Follower' button thingy. I think maybe cause it's a newer gadget thingy?
I don't have a potty mouth and Vodka Mom hasn't showcased me either, I think you'd probably have to pay for a button. Maybe now that you've mentioned prunella and posted the photo, you'll get more readers. Next post video of you eating farts, that will up your readers, fo sho.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

OK, you're gorgeous. And now I have to confess I don't know what BDSM is. Shhhhh. Don't embarrass me.

UBERMOUTH said...

You're gorgoues.
In your profile pic you look so much like Valerie Bertinelli I wondered if you were..but in this pic, she should hope to look like you.

Phat Mama said...

Nyx - Thanks, ya got a fine rack too!

Shawn!! Mercy no yak drool, purlease. He could lick my cheek though. :) He's sexy. ;P

Paula - I know, right! She sent me the ehow page on how to 'take it all the way'. I just can't seem to fall in love with my tooth brush though. Mew. Love you too, honey!

GI - You're beautifuler! *Hugs*

Beth - My secret is out, I do love hearing people say.. Nuhuh, no way did she just say that shit! LOL And I -love- your page, not only do you make me laugh but you make me think too, best of both worlds!

zelzee - Thanks! I airbrushed the stretch marks out the best I could!

erin - I would so -pay- Vodka Mom to give me a shout out on her blog! And yeah, I want everyone that comments to click the follow button so someday I can be cool too!

Seriously though, I like when people do because I keep up with them that way too - if I see a new follower, I click on their icon and go read them, then add them to my faves.

It's just one big, happy circle jerk o' blogging!

SMB! - If I've not mentioned it before, I love your blog. :) The title is what caught my interest from the word go, of course. I thought - anyone that can just be proud of it is my kinda gal!

As for BDSM - Bondage & Sadomasochism. Bondage. Sadists. Masochists. I'm really only into getting tied up a lil bit, maybe a smack on my big booty. *blush*

(I DO blush now and then, peoples!)

Ubermouth - Hey there! I'm fixing to visit your site just as soon as I finish commenting back to everyone. :) And thanks for the compliment - Val is beautiful & especially in that knew bikini pic!

Maelstrom said...

Damn, sexy!

Sass said...

Hi.

I love you.

I'm just sayin'.

Like...seriously.

Like...in an impure fashion.

I've had some strong drinks.

And I'll follow you if you follow me...;)

Dr Zibbs said...

Whoa!

Lookin' good Phat Momma. Lookin good.

And feel free to send me more pictures privately. You know - if you want to.

(whistling) wooo - wwoooooooo

Dr Zibbs said...

Just so you know I had to come back and look at you again.

And is something wrong with your email? I haven't received any pictures yet. Hope everything is OK.

I'll give you 15 minutes then I'll assume that you've been kidnapped and I'll call the police.

Comedy Goddess said...

You are a babe! Nice list and I bet you'll come up with plenty for your 100th. Keep on bloggin'!

Phat Mama said...

Thanks Maelstrom, and you are sexy too! Love the nick, love Friday Fails, smooch!

Sass - I love you too. Definitely in an impure fashion. You're even hot blue. Of course I will follow you.. you lead, I'll follow! Oh, and I follow your blog too, have been for weeks!

I love Kid Rock too.. let's go to a concert and try to get backstage!

Zibbs!! - You just don't know how happy you made me, clicking on the follow button! I've actually been waiting for that. :)

Thanks for the compliment and umm, I would send you more pics but they're X-rated - P.Mama loves the digicam!

CG - Thanks! I hope I can come up with more for the big 100 - It was tough just coming up with those few. While I was typing them, I thought about myself - You are so F'n boring, I can't even be your friend!

Prunella Jones said...

Damn, girl! You're gorgeous! Hawt rack with a cute little minxy face and you're funny too. AND you can cook?

Your husband is one lucky guy.

Prunella Jones said...

Oh, and I'm really glad to hear that I inspired you to show off your hotness. Flaunt it baby! I know girls who would kill to have those boobs.

diane said...

You are absolutely a Pretty Hot and Tempting Mama. I don't know why I never got the connection before.
My poetry is probably in that same book.
I loved your comment on Pru's page, especially when you told her to "dot her eye". You rock.

Girl Interrupted said...

Hey P Mama :) ... did you get the e-mail I sent you with regards to your award? I don't see it on your blog so wasn't sure if I'd effed it up or you hadn't received it ok.

Dr Zibbs said...

Phat Momma - let me make it very clear that X rated picture are totally fine.

otherworldlyone said...

Right, well! I know what has to be done now. In order to get 20+ comments and a few new followers... I'll just have to put my knockers on display.

Sadly, I think your knockers are nicer than mine...so this may not work.

Still, my gag reflex is virtuously nonexistent, so...at least I have that!

Love you! Love your blog! Love your knockers!

Peggy said...

You are one hot mama! You don't look nearly old enough to have teenagers! You rock!

Mariah said...

you're a hottie. I like a little spanking too ;)

Cora said...

GOOD GOD, those things look like they are completely defying gravity and I am more jealous than I have the skillz to articulate!

HOT!!!!

Phat Mama said...

Pru - He IS lucky, huh!? I need to remind him of that lil fact soon & maybe get a present out of the deal!

(Present that is not his love pickle.)

Diane - Hey there, love your page and the pictures! Dot your eye - got that one from my kids! lol

GI - True story: I had no idea that friends from blogger were actually emailing me at the addy I used here until you left that comment! I logged in for the first time, yesterday and was like.. whoaaa! I spent an hour just replying back to folks, sending them much love.

Zibbs - Going to send those pics just as soon as I can get private time - and thanks for the topic on your blog! Do you realize that when you do that for people, it helps them out getting readers on their blog? Yep, you probably do - you're stellar, people love your blog - thanks for helping me out! I shall send you many pics in gratitude!

wordlyone - I will give up two cup sizes for your lack of gag reflex.

Peggy - Aww, thanks! It's the fat in my face - it plumps out the wrinkles to give me a youthly glow. :)

Mariah - Welcome to Phat Mama - spanking rocks! Lil bit of pain with the pleasure is a good thing. :)

Cora - Gravity is creeping up on me.. the girls are real so pretty soon, they'll give me the finger just before dropping to my kneecaps. *le fuck*

phd in yogurtry said...

True nymphomaniacs don't let gag reflex get in their way. They don't have time for BJ's. It's all about getting serviced.

Dominica said...

for me :
a PROUD mama too !
You are just adorable ...

honkeie2 said...

I LOVE HOTMOMS! First off you are hot! Secondly....well there is no second I am still looking at that pic....which I must say I want more lol.
The only person I have ever known to give a good BJ had no gag reflex and was certifiably insane. That is why I ran far far away from her!