I had taken a (bottle) couple sleeping pills because I'm an insomniac and I was really hoping to get some zzz's. Being the fabulous Mom that I am, I gathered both of my kids and their friends staying over, around, to watch 'Bret Michaels Rock the Hooker Bus' while I drifted in a blissful haze of drugs.
Darling Bitchy Bitch decided to take this family time to apply her fake, press on nails. (To audition for the next season of 'Bret Michaels Rock the Trailer Court'.)
First she had to rub the Wet -N- Wild Whore Red off her nails. I was so (stoned) tired, that I didn't warn her to wait until her Dad was out of the house - the smell of polish remover makes him physically ill.
And ta da, amidst this polish removing, here comes Big Daddy, staggering out of the bedroom, surely wondering why I'm watching (porn) Bret Michaels macking with some thong & flip flop wearing 19 year old, on the tube, with our innocent teens in attendance.
*Warning: Excessive profanity-laced conversation coming.
Big Daddy: "What the hell is that smell? I have both windows open in the bedroom & it's fucking 40 degrees! I'm freezing my ass off, my face is pressed to the screen to suck clean oxygen & I still can't sleep! Get that shit out of my house.. what the.. fu..fu..fur..fuc..FUCK!" (Poor baby was so tired he stuttered the last part of his inspired rant.)
Our son, Rebel Boy, never one to miss an oppurtunity for making fun of others, stutters back - "Momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
Unfortunately, after getting the Forest Gump reference, I cracked up, laughing fit to pee my pants. I blame the drugs. Big Daddy's glare promised retribution (probably with his tool of menace) before he stalked back to bed.
Next up in my randomness is the blogosphere! I'm an avid reader and upon finding Blogger, I've dropped the books/catalogs/Penthouse Letters to consume every blog here. It's like a good, clean, voyeuristic peek into other people's (nervous breakdowns) fun.
These blogs are so good that I actually had to go read all of their archived posts! So, without further ado, I would like to give thanks and kudos to my current favorite blogs! You make the twenty hours a day I spend with you, the best!
(These are not in any specific order. Like a $100 bill, I love them all equally.)
Girl Interrupted is the best British humour you'll find out there. As I read her blog, I insert that great accent and laugh (fit to pee) again! She's also a sweetie pie & a great commenter on other people's blogs. Go give her a visit here: http://girl1nterrupted.blogspot.com/
Otherwordlyone lets it all hang out over on her blog - unashamed, uninhibited, she takes you along on a single girls ride through the bad, the good and the ugly of dating, sex and being a 'Champion' of both! This here is my favorite post, thus far, on her blog: http://awomaninsearchof.blogspot.com/2009/03/champion.html
Daddy Scratches is soo good, he has his own damn site! Some of his posts are long but like a good book, a talented author needs room to work and he's worth the time you take to read them! I have never laughed so hard! And yes, I have read -all- of his archived posts. Here's the link: http://daddyscratches.com/
Okay folks, this next lady gives new meaning to blogging. With 700+ readers, she is obviously an Icon! Her blog was the first I read upon coming here & inspired me to write my own. I want to be her when I grow up! http://waitresswheresmymartini.blogspot.com/
Motherhood in NYC aka Marinka, is one of my first reads, every day. I see her in Prada, muttering obscenities as she scrubs her own toilet. A class act, hysterical, she inspires me to be more than the trailer court of blogs! http://www.motherhoodinnyc.com/
Maelstrom, Where so many FAIL, you succeed! http://ntshma.blogspot.com/
Ahh, Pru. I do adore you. Your 'Boobie Barn Update' was my favorite! And the naked pictures of you?! I almost had to delete you over those fabulous photos because they made me feel quilty about the Oreo stuffing I was licking with fellatio-like lust. But I kept you, Pru - because you, girl.. is some funny! http://prunella-de-ville.blogspot.com/
Last, but certainly not least, is the Mack Daddy of blogging. The one we all drool over, the one that makes us twitch, the one standing on a pedestal all his adoring (female) minions hold up - I give you: That Blue Yak! He makes smartass arrogance look fucking lickable. http://thatblueyak.blogspot.com/