Friday, April 10, 2009

These Blogs Are Better Than A Cunninglinguist

Today is a bit of the random here at Casa Phat Mama. Starting with very early this morning.

I had taken a (bottle) couple sleeping pills because I'm an insomniac and I was really hoping to get some zzz's. Being the fabulous Mom that I am, I gathered both of my kids and their friends staying over, around, to watch 'Bret Michaels Rock the Hooker Bus' while I drifted in a blissful haze of drugs.

Darling Bitchy Bitch decided to take this family time to apply her fake, press on nails. (To audition for the next season of 'Bret Michaels Rock the Trailer Court'.)

First she had to rub the Wet -N- Wild Whore Red off her nails. I was so (stoned) tired, that I didn't warn her to wait until her Dad was out of the house - the smell of polish remover makes him physically ill.

And ta da, amidst this polish removing, here comes Big Daddy, staggering out of the bedroom, surely wondering why I'm watching (porn) Bret Michaels macking with some thong & flip flop wearing 19 year old, on the tube, with our innocent teens in attendance.

*Warning: Excessive profanity-laced conversation coming.

Big Daddy: "What the hell is that smell? I have both windows open in the bedroom & it's fucking 40 degrees! I'm freezing my ass off, my face is pressed to the screen to suck clean oxygen & I still can't sleep! Get that shit out of my house.. what the.. fu..fu..fur..fuc..FUCK!" (Poor baby was so tired he stuttered the last part of his inspired rant.)

Our son, Rebel Boy, never one to miss an oppurtunity for making fun of others, stutters back - "Momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Unfortunately, after getting the Forest Gump reference, I cracked up, laughing fit to pee my pants. I blame the drugs. Big Daddy's glare promised retribution (probably with his tool of menace) before he stalked back to bed.

Next up in my randomness is the blogosphere! I'm an avid reader and upon finding Blogger, I've dropped the books/catalogs/Penthouse Letters to consume every blog here. It's like a good, clean, voyeuristic peek into other people's (nervous breakdowns) fun.

These blogs are so good that I actually had to go read all of their archived posts! So, without further ado, I would like to give thanks and kudos to my current favorite blogs! You make the twenty hours a day I spend with you, the best!

(These are not in any specific order. Like a $100 bill, I love them all equally.)

Girl Interrupted is the best British humour you'll find out there. As I read her blog, I insert that great accent and laugh (fit to pee) again! She's also a sweetie pie & a great commenter on other people's blogs. Go give her a visit here:

Otherwordlyone lets it all hang out over on her blog - unashamed, uninhibited, she takes you along on a single girls ride through the bad, the good and the ugly of dating, sex and being a 'Champion' of both! This here is my favorite post, thus far, on her blog:

Daddy Scratches is soo good, he has his own damn site! Some of his posts are long but like a good book, a talented author needs room to work and he's worth the time you take to read them! I have never laughed so hard! And yes, I have read -all- of his archived posts. Here's the link:

Okay folks, this next lady gives new meaning to blogging. With 700+ readers, she is obviously an Icon! Her blog was the first I read upon coming here & inspired me to write my own. I want to be her when I grow up!

Motherhood in NYC aka Marinka, is one of my first reads, every day. I see her in Prada, muttering obscenities as she scrubs her own toilet. A class act, hysterical, she inspires me to be more than the trailer court of blogs!

Maelstrom, Where so many FAIL, you succeed!

Ahh, Pru. I do adore you. Your 'Boobie Barn Update' was my favorite! And the naked pictures of you?! I almost had to delete you over those fabulous photos because they made me feel quilty about the Oreo stuffing I was licking with fellatio-like lust. But I kept you, Pru - because you, girl.. is some funny!

Last, but certainly not least, is the Mack Daddy of blogging. The one we all drool over, the one that makes us twitch, the one standing on a pedestal all his adoring (female) minions hold up - I give you: That Blue Yak! He makes smartass arrogance look fucking lickable.



Marinka said...

Hey, thanks for the shout out! And I'm on way to North Carolina this weekend, so look for me. You know, if you need your toilet scrubbed or something.

Girl Interrupted said...

Awww thanks P Mama! :D

I love your blog too ... you say all things I think but am far too British to utter :P

Ps: I *DO* have a great accent


Shawn said...

Oh cool! New blogs to pore over! Yessss.

otherworldlyone said...

Thanks very much. I've found a new favorite in your blog as well.

Warm regards,

The Champion

Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet jesus- you are SO SWEET!!

I also LOVe the bloggers you mentioned, and would like to say that Suzy (Hollywood- where HOT comes to DIE) and I have decided to adopt you. Or make you our new BFF. Whichever is easier for YOU.


Vodka Mom said...

plus, I love anyone who can say fuck with a straight face and MEAN it.

Nyxmyst said...

Jeeez - all these years you've known me and I don't get a shout out? Nothing?

Die :P

And btw when the hell are you visiting already? Come to vegas baby - be one with the partys and sex clubs.

Dr Zibbs said...

Whoa thanks. "He makes smartass arrogance fucking lickable" Maybe that could be one of my taglines.

Except I think you mant likeable.

Phat Mama said...

Marinka - Which part of NC? And nooo, I would -never- ask you to scrub my toilet. I have a teenaged boy, that would be disgusting! (Trust me.) But I would take you around the trailer court to prove to the lesser mortals that I have a high falutin' friend!

GI - I adore your British utterances! And someday, we must Skype or some such so I can hear that accent!

Shawn - You are on my very next favorite blogs post! Did I mention how much I love the picture of that dog?!

wordlyone - I'm trying to figure out why I have Queen - We Are The Champions playing in my head! Adore you!

Vodka Mom - Can I get the link to Suzy - Hollywood, Where Hot Comes To Die? Otherwise I will spend another 20 hours searching for it like a crazy woman because the mere title suggests greatness!

And yes please, adopt me, (does that come with an allowance?) or make me your BFF - I'm not worthy but I promise to strive towards the greatness you inspire!

Nyx - You know I love you better than bread! And when I do a favorite 'XXX' blogs post, you are #1! And coming to Vegas soon, Rebel Boy is driving me mad.

Zibbs - It should be a tagline and I totally meant -lickable-!

Susan said...

Just found you through Dr. Zibbs - I think we have half the same blog roll, so I'll be back to check you out! PS... anyone that can throw the F bomb out more than me is a hero.

Phat Mama said...

Hey Susan! Thanks for the comment & I hope to see a lot of you here! I lover the F bomb, no word is more descriptive of so many emotions. :)

Maelstrom said...

You know, my comment doesn't look so funny when it's taken out of the context of the post it belongs too..

Hey everyone here reading Sass & Ass, I have an announcement.

I am not a wife beater.

Thank you.

Phat Mama said...

Awww Maelstrom, I'm so sorry for that. I certainly didn't mean to make it look like it like you are. I've edited the post.

Prunella Jones said...

Thank you so much for your kind shout out. I'm glad you didn't delete me because I'm loving your funny comments and awesome blog. Anyone who sexily tongues an Oreo is my kind of babe. I bet you'd be a blast to have a glass of wine or three with.

Maelstrom said...

Hehe, I know you didn't mean that. It was only mock indignation. :)

Vodka Mom said...

you got it!!

and Zibbs totally cracked me up!!

holy hell.

mochajavalatte said...

HA! I'm reading all your archives (so forgive me if you've already figured this out seeing as you have daddy scratches on here) but I can't believe you don't have Heather Armstrong on here, AKA
SHE IS THE QUEEN B OF THE SOUTH AND MOTHERHOOD :) I read (literally) every single post she ever did. YOU HAVE to start at the beginning...

Anonymous said...

I am not going to be original this time, so all I am going to say that your blog rocks, sad that I don't have suck a writing skills